Ex- Poly-'s topics - tribe.net

Semantics

Star-Light-Princess — Wed, 19 Oct 2005 05:43:57 GMT

Is the word/phrase/description, etc "polyamorous" really just the PC, sugar-coated, or new age way of saying
"promiscuous"???

posted in Ex- Poly- - 1 reply

seeking a Poly roomate Honolulu Hawaii

Ohana — Thu, 29 Sep 2005 15:21:04 GMT

Aloha, we are seeking a special kinky type person... we are a Poly group here in the islands, with a designated Poly/BDSM house...

We offer (to the right person) cozy rooms, private entrance, bath, air conditioned, on a bus route.

In exchange for a low rent and house work, must be Poly & BDSM friendly ... idea for UH student or single.

posted in Ex- Poly- - 1 reply

"transcending jealousy"

Star-Light-Princess — Mon, 30 Aug 2004 02:24:55 GMT

If I had a dime for every time I heard someone "poly" say that they are into poly-amory for the reason of transcending jealousy, I would be a rich woman. Any opinions or comments on this?

~A serial monogamist who has explored and tried poly-amory

posted in Ex- Poly- - 7 replies

So now i wonder...

MisterLovegrove — Fri, 05 Aug 2005 00:26:27 GMT

although there was no pretense of "love" involved, does it qualify as "poly" that for a number of years, i used to have a fairly set group of sex partners with whom i used to play? (both individually and 'en masse')

posted in Ex- Poly- - 9 replies

REALLY F-U-N-N-Y shit

Star-Light-Princess — Thu, 04 Aug 2005 23:11:54 GMT

Poly to English Translations

(& Google up "polly wally" then watch the video clip...) HYSTERICAL.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Poly phrase: "I don't use primary/secondary terminology, since I don't see my relationships as hierarchical."

English translation: "You're a secondary."

Poly phrase: "For me sex is about energy, so breathing and heart connection are more important than ejaculation."

English translation: "I'm more sophisticated than the guy over there, please sleep with me instead."

Poly phrase: "I see polyamory as being more about relationships and intimacy, while swinging is just about sex, and sex without intimacy is just not where I'm at right now."

English translation: "I'm more sophisticated than the guy over there, please sleep with me instead"

Poly phrase: "The most important thing to me is keeping agreements."

English translation: "If you start seeing someone else and I'd feel unsophisticated just saying that I'm jealous, then I'll reinterpret one of our agreements until I'm able to say you broke it."

Poly phrase: "Even secondary relationships for me aren't just about sex."

English translation: "Secondary relationships for me are just about sex."

Poly phrase: "Right now the most important things to me are building poly family and intentional community."
English translation: "I'm getting concerned that I won't always be able to easily find new partners, plus I'm tired of driving from place to place, and oh yeah, I'm more sophisticated than the guy over there, so please sleep with me instead."

Poly phrase: "In our household the most important things are open communication and open process."

English translation: "Expect to be abused with passive-aggressive 'I' statements."

Poly phrase: "I don't feel that we communicate on the same level, and that you aren't supporting me emotionally."

English translation: "I'm tired of you but it would make me seem less sophisticated and hence reduce my opportunities for further sexual relationships in this community to actually say that so bluntly, so I'll make his about vague failings on your part instead."

Poly phrase: "I think we should each have veto power."

English translation: "I want to reserve the right to veto each of your partners, no matter how much they respect our existing relationships, so that you're de facto limited to monogamy while I play the field."

Poly phrase: "I think that we should focus on each other for a while."

English translation: "I'm having more trouble finding partners than you are, time to clip your wings!"

Poly phrase: "I want you to always feel OK telling me what's really going on in your life, and asking for what you need in this relationship."

English translation: "Ask for what you need, and express hurt feelings, at your peril."

Poly phrase: "I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at myself, for not having recognized sooner that we weren't right for each other."

English translation: "I'm angry at you for not making my life perfect, but rather than taking responsibility for setting and meeting my own goals I find it more satisfying to shift the blame to you while superficially appearing to do the opposite."

Poly phrase: "Out of respect for our primary bond, we normally only see other people together."

English translation: "MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL FINALLY GET TO HAVE SEX WITH TWO WOMEN AT ONCE OMG OMG OMG THAT WOULD BE L33T!!!!! "

Poly phrase: "I think we need to process the end of our relationship and get closure."

English translation: "I'd like to kick you while you're down."

Poly phrase: "We obviously need to work on our relationship."

English translation: "We're through, I just want to vent a little more so that I can feel a little more self-righteous once you know it's over too, OK?"

Poly phrase: "The idea of line marriage has always appealed to me."

English translation: "The idea of having sex with people younger than me has always appealed to me."

Poly phrase: "So, which conventions do you like to attend, what kind of books do you like to read, what are your spiritual beliefs, and what is your ideal occupation?"

English translation: "Which science fiction conventions do you like to attend, who is your favorite fantasy author, what form of neo-paganism do you ascribe do, and where in the computer industry would you like to work?"

Poly phrase: "I'm needing to do some inner work, and instead of dating anyone would rather just work on my relationship with myself."

English translation: "I'm tired of you, but since I don't have anyone else lined up right now I might as well get some mileage out of the personal growth angle."

Poly phrase: "Well, I'm only theoretically poly, but I already have plenty of firmly-held beliefs about how it could be done in real life!"

English translation: "Hi, I'm an idiot."

Poly phrase: "Swinging would be way too crass for me, I'm more about relationships and emotional intimacy."

English translation: "I've always wanted to go to New Horizons, could someone give me a ride there and guest me in, as long as I don't have to ask publicly?"

Poly phrase: "All of my partners are equally important to me, and they're all primary."

English translation: "I'd rather not explicitly spell out what the hierarchy is, but trust me - you'll know when you run into it."

Poly phrase: "Our friendship is more important than anything else."

English translation: "Once you've told me that we're done fucking, you'll never hear a word from me again."

Poly phrase: "I'm willing to take this slow as well."

English translation: "I intend to act like a SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy) and put as much pressure on you to put out as possible."

Poly phrase: "I've had to do a lot of work on that issue myself in my other relationships, and I'd be glad to help you with it if you want."

English translation: "I've tried blaming all my other partners for my shit and they won't put up with it anymore."

Poly phrase: "I really admire the way you are able to speak up for your boundaries in your relationships."

English translation: "If I'm going to get you to sleep with me, I'll have to be a cagey, manipulative bastard."

Poly phrase: "My other partners and I share a lot of interests but we do a lot of things separately, too."

English translation: "None of my current partners will let me have anal sex with them; will you?"

Poly phrase: "My partners and I follow our own unique spiritual path."

English translation: "Please join our cult."

Poly phrase: "I've learned so much from all of my relationships."

English addendum: "...so I know not to tell you about my OSOs/mental illness/contagious diseases until after you're emotionally involved with me."

Poly phrase: "I expect and give honest communication."

English translation: "I will bludgeon you with my opinions whenever I feel like it and if you can't take it then you must have a problem with 'honesty.'"

Poly phrase: "I wish we could all just get along."

English translation: "Give me what I want and no one gets hurt."

Poly phrase: "Have you read "The Ethical Slut"?

English translation: "If you don't have sex with me, you're a prude and aren't evolved."

Poly phrase: "Age is just a number."

English translation: "I will not fuck women who are my age or older."

Poly phrase: "Do you do Tantra?"

English translation: "If you don't have sex with me, you're a prude and aren't evolved."

Poly phrase: "Poly people are more evolved than mono people."

English translation: "I'm a virgin."

Poly speak: "It's a shame you're limiting yourself and your love."

English translation: "Why won't you fuck me?"

Poly phrase: I've told my poly partner about you and she's very excited to meet you so we'd like to have you over for dinner soon. Would you like to join the two of us for that?

English translation: Due to how hot I said you were my poly partner feels very threatened in her status as my primary, and she is obsessively compelled to check you out in person so she can look for some ammunition with which to veto any potential relationship you and I could have. Would you mind bringing a body guard?

Poly phrase: I've told my poly partner all about you and he is so excited to meet you that we are both hoping you'll have dinner with us soon.

English translation: I've told my poly partner how attractive you are and we both hope to eat you for dinner soon.

Poly phrase: Being poly has made our sex lives even more WONDERFUL because while my primary partner and I REALLY love playing with each other, we also WELCOME the opportunity to meet interesting new people, and open to the presence of other special lovers in our lives!

English translation: Being poly has given my partner and I a very WELCOME excuse to have sex with new people which is WONDERFUL because we're REALLY sick of each other!

Poly phrase: Our relationship could be characterized as a primary polyamorous connection which will organically evolve over time. Both of us are too sophisticated, open, level-headed, and rational to tolerate putting any limits on other people or ourselves.

English translation: We're each other's booby prize. Both of us are too selfish, poorly groomed, dysfunctional and crazy to find any other people to tolerate us.

Poly phrase: I don't know if our connection has each and every quality necessary for a successful primary relationship, however I would like to explore this further because I do care about you very much and really cherish our friendship.

English translation: I know I'd love to have sex and explore how orally talented you are right now because I'm very horny, however I don't like you enough to really spend much time with you.

Poly phrase: I am seriously interested in working out our secondary relationship in such a way that would make both of us happy. I'm wondering if we could both try to create more room in our lives for each other? I'm hoping you're thinking something similar.

English translation: It was fun being fuck buddies. Maybe we'll do it again in a few months? Or not.

Poly phrase: My primary partner and I have totally worked out our jealousy issues regarding the play parties we attend. I get thoroughly wet when I watch him share pleasure with other people! Loving communication and listening are our life's priorities.

English translation: My partner makes me feel totally psycho at every play party. I thoroughly punish him with my sublimated rage later when we're at home! Passive-aggressive behaviors and messages are our favorite pastime.

posted in Ex- Poly- - 7 replies

Huuush...

Star-Light-Princess — Sat, 02 Oct 2004 02:26:55 GMT

My goodness, it's awful quiet in here! Is everyone too busy with their monogamous relationships?? ;)

posted in Ex- Poly- - 1 reply

devils advocate from the converted

tessa — Thu, 04 Dec 2003 16:34:00 GMT

yo, im totally ex poly, and well into the idea of liberation and freedom to be in the sort of relationship that you wanna be in. but hey, dont you think its funny that we have little to say here...less to exchange with each other...that makes me feel that perhaps poly is better...poly is about always taking the person at their value. beliving that you have something important to exchange with every person that you meet, and having the freedom to follow that. if you belive that one person has it all...as we may be inclined to...it seems that it creates much more of an insular comunity!
what do you think?

posted in Ex- Poly- - 5 replies

life without the drama:)

GracePenny — Thu, 08 Jan 2004 04:58:40 GMT

yay!!! less drama , more reality ... so refreshing!!!
I tried it and it was ok, but... not very satisfying.. not deep enouph, and not real...... I see alot of heartache and pain among polyfolks and it makes me sad. every body wants to be #1 for someone, this is the reality of relationships , and a big part of the human condition.
Lets face it , we all want to be special and adored above all the others of our lovers lovers.

posted in Ex- Poly- - 6 replies

function of age

keira — Mon, 08 Dec 2003 18:04:29 GMT

There has to be something to that.
Most of my adult life I firmly believed that non comittal sex with a wide range of friends ('never got into the sex with strangers thing...I dig trust and intimacy) was ideal. Unlike monogamous relationships there was never anything to argue over, get tense about, jealous, no compromising...I had my life to myself and tons of good lovin'.
But somewhere in the back of my mind I think i still held that hopeless romantic image of the ONE person entering my life and sweeping me off my feet once and for all. I had too many people want me all to themselves to feel simply unwanted but no ONE person worth giving up the rest for and worth learning to live with full time.
Now...I'm older and pissed that I don't want casual sex nearly as much as I want intimacy AND familiarity. Getting really picky too. I don't just want to wake up in the morning with someone I want to wake up in the moring with the SAME person.
I tried getting laid awhile ago thinkin it would help snap me 'back to normal'. The sex was okay but kinda boring (after awhile it's nearly all just sex) but when he went to do the obligitory cuddling and tenderness part I fell apart emotionally. One caress and I flew out of bed and back into my clothes so fast...damn. Burst into tears soon as I was alone.
That's when I knew somehow I really had changed.
What I DON'T know is how the hell ya pick out that one person to try out that deeper level of intimacy with. Never had a long term monogamous relationship. They have always been too stifling.
So, now I know what I need and I'm old enough to be really picky about who I lavish that attention and devotion on...
I've made the shift emotionally but don't know what the hell to do with it.
Any ideas?

posted in Ex- Poly- - 2 replies

nice tribe....

MathewGladfelter — Sat, 06 Dec 2003 07:18:31 GMT

good call jfar...I have been thinking of this for some time now myself......you beat me to it. I am really happy to see that there are like minded freaks out there.

posted in Ex- Poly- - 0 replies

poly as therapy

Wed, 03 Dec 2003 08:00:10 GMT

I tried dating two people at the same time (ie: having open relationships as opposed to just fucking around) because I thought it would help me deal better with jealousy. Forcing myself to walk through the fire was not the best therapy for me. It actually put up a barrier to further intimacy and made me assume that I could never expect total committment from anybody.
What I quickly learned was that I was compromising what I really wanted. The social enviornment I was in at the time really fostered this kind of experimentation and I look back at it now as an educated mistake.
I admire people who can form safe, loving bonds with multiple partners but I feel it is a rare thing for people to manage and contains more risk than it's worth.
Just my .02. Looking forward to hearing others' stories.

posted in Ex- Poly- - 0 replies

picky

fucko — Wed, 12 Nov 2003 18:45:03 GMT

I think part of the reason I stopped being Polyfuckamores is the fact that I'm picky. It takes me a long time to get to know people and I'm not really sexually charged until I do. Plus, I really love the cat and mouse games. Hard to do with passer bys, simple encounter and "closed off" people.
Mabey its an age thing but I just find more fun in sleeping with people who I really like and know well. It doesn't stop me from enjoying spontaneic sexually charged encounter (bd/sm/cuddling/kissing kind of stuff) but fucking takes more energy, and I'm picky now.
fucko

posted in Ex- Poly- - 0 replies